Tony Fader "a writer writes, always." we write sometimes.

shorts story

I’m staying over at a girl’s house. a sleepover. I didn’t anticipate to stay, but sometimes I underestimate myself?

me: “hey, um, wanna take me to my house to get clothes and then I can stay over?”
girl: “well, yeah, I thought that was the plan. I mean, I wanted to see you, so I figured you’d stay.”
me: “seeing me and staying are different. and you also said you were looking for a real relationship and weren’t going to fuck me but then we fucked.”
girl: “ugh, don’t call me out, let’s go get your clothes.”

at her house, I do the usual things people do at other people’s houses, which is look thru their shit and sigh and criticize everything of their belongings.

me: “you have a cure poster on your wall.”
girl: “stop it. you are NOT gonna make fun of the music I like.”
me: “chillout, sheesh, I was just making a comment. I like the cure too dude, I like 17 seconds.”
girl: “what’s 17 seconds?
me: mumbling “exactly”

sometimes I don’t even criticize and people still get pissed off.

what is it about me that evokes pessimism?

artist who is painting me: “you stand weird, you crook your leg a little”
a girl I used to fuck and then it just stopped: “you’re aloof, you have this weird sad look where you look down at nothing in particular.”
a past girlfriend: “you look bored, and intimidating. I drank a lot before I came up to you”

I’m putting all my toiletries on her counter, I hang up my pants and shirt in her closet and I start getting ready for bed, or if you are this girl, for fucking.

at my house I usually sleep with boxers and just walk around in them. but at other people’s houses, I like to wear shorts. I don’t feel right walking around in just Target plaid boxer shorts.

me: “hey, you got any shorts I can sleep in?”
girl: “just wear your boxers.”
me: “I’d like shorts please”
girl: “ugh, you’re fucking high maintenance man.”
me: “I just want shorts, sheesh.”
girl: “sheesh? who the fuck says that?”

she looks thru her drawer

girl: “here.”

the shorts look big.

me: “are these your boyfriends?”
girl: “I don’t have a boyfriend.”
me: “are these your exes?”
girl: “who cares, you gonna wear them or not?”
me: “sure.”

that was my reply but I really wanted to say was, yes, I do care, these shorts are big and I feel like I can’t compensate down there. and what if I ever get with you for real real, then I’m gonna bring up these shorts and I’m gonna get pissed why you still have them,  and you are gonna be like, that’s the past Steven, get over it, and I’m gonna be like, no, fuck that, I hate you, I’m gonna start wearing my girlfriend’s pajama pants she left at my house and see how you like it, and then you are gonna get pissy and say I’m doing it outta spite and blah blah. I hate you

but you can’t tell girls that, you let your guard down, any sign of feeling, and they gut you.

I put them on and even when I tie them, they are falling down sorta.

girl: “you look so cute right now in those shorts.”

I don’t say anything but I smile to the side, in a way where she didn’t see me smile.

after sex, I put on the shorts and walk around her apt trying to soak up the central air and being close to the refrigerator cause I’m sweaty and hot.

I come back to her bedroom.

girl: “you look so silly in those shorts”
me: “but before you said that I…”
girl: “I was just trying to get you in the mood.”

I don’t say anything

my likes will not be compromised

i had a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday about a song. A song that was played in a band i used to be a part of. It was a little awkward as i couldn’t remember how it went nor could i even begin to tell you how it was played on bass….

So far, i’ve been in 8 bands or so. not too sure.

All of these band’s styles didn’t really appeal to me. Some of them just sucked. It’s weird though, some of the bands I’ve quit are still playing today. Now, I’m not bitter but quitting these bands was really a good thing. I really can’t handle being a part of something that I hate.

The style of music that I would love to play are very basic but enjoyable. (simplicity is bliss)

It’s crazy because I look at others and see that the use of multi-tracking software and such, is allowing people to create amazing music with multiple instruments. I did this once with a song called sweet haven. I’ll post it when I find it.

i hope playing music isn’t in my past. My bass and amp are in storage.

muzak

i’m back in my old department… i talk to no one… everyone notices. pretty sure i’ll get a talkin’ to.

i didn’t get to go to bad religion however, it was good to spend time with my boy. And, Gwar is coming to town in June… it’ll be amazing!!!

GWAR!!! Christina and i will be there…. count on it! I want to be in the pit but i noticed that i pulled something in my back last night… Depressing.

I remember back when shows would come to town all the time! We used to save all our cash to buy the shirt that we thought wouldn’t be sold at sam goody, flip side or hogwild. It was a gamble. A gamble worth taking.

I remember going to see clutch. We went to burger boy to get fries and saw neil fallon there asking for grilled chicken. They didn’t have it so he just ordered a drink and left. later at the show, he was on stage and said, “Damn!, too much burger boy is kickin’ my ass!” my cousin and i looked at each other and grinned because we knew what was up. It was ok though, being that he is neil fallon and all….

back then, my cousin bought a vhs of limp bizkit from rob (rob’s metal works)… man, he sucked.

BR30

i really don’t know if it’s possible or not. But, i want to go so bad. i want this more than i wanted to go to the pee-wee herman show. it’s been a while since i’ve seen them and they’ve been in business for 30 years. i was 1.

Bad Religion 30th Anniversary Celebration from Bad Religion on Vimeo.

Yellow…. color, emotion and/or insult???

So, i was talking to my girlfriend the other night. We were leaving target and I looked up at the sky. I asked her if she noticed that people often refer to the stars as yellow. I pointed out the fact that they appear to be white. I was a little sad because when I was younger, yellow was my favorite color.

I can’t say that I have a favorite color now. People often assume that my favorite color is blue but I really don’t know. I wear blue a lot. It’s my safety color. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great color and I feel good when I see it. So, I guess it is my favorite color.

Ok, back to yellow… I remembered as a kid, yellow was my favorite color. Everyone I knew was a baby blue fan, a red fan or a black fan. I was a yellow fan. People would ask me, “why?” My response was always “because that’s the color of my spine/back” But, the reason was really, it’s what I considered to be the color of the sun, the moon and the stars. It made things grow and on a winter day, it warmed things up just right. Remember, I was a kid. I loved lemons, grapefruits and bananas. Yellow was the trump card. To me, everything was possible because of the color yellow. Without yellow, life would not be…. Right?

I’ve always considered yellow to be very underrated. It really is a gorgeous color and you look great in it.

Fuck you Coldplay…. Seriously.